Posts Tagged ‘Drug Dealers’

Many times, when we’re placed under pressure or act on our immediate impulses, we say incredibly poorly thought-out things. Today, I did just this.

I was recently invited to attend an information session about a summer internship opportunity on behalf of the Southwest Great American Corporation. The recruiter called me at 10:00 PM and asked for Ronald. So close. I did, however, hear him out, and told him that I could make an info session at 5:00PM Wednesday. Weird things to this point: 10 ‘o clock phonecall. Wrong name.

I looked into this company a little bit. They’ve got a nice website and such, but I couldn’t quite find out what they did. After much digging, which is strange, I found that apparently they hire college students to sell books during the summer to “people in their own homes”. This ranks right below being a Mormon door to door guy on my list of things to do with my life. This information, however, was kind of tough to come by – everything else on the site was about how valueable the experience is and un-godly sum of money that you could make working with them for a summer. What kind of company doesn’t tell you what they do and pays their employees un-godly sums of money? Drug dealers. Weird things to this point: Wrong name. Ten o’ clock phonecall. Sketchy Website. Un-godly sums of money. Mormonism.

I showed up for the sesh, and was greeted by a terribly unfashionable man in a red shirt, red and white candycane-esque striped tie, gray blazer, and black dress pants. Bad facial hair, worse hairstyle, smelled like a used car salesman. Italian boots. It did not help that this meeting was in the basement of Clark Howell hall – not a nice place. There were other confused college students there filling out green sheets of paper. I got handed a green sheet. I offered a résumé. He declined, and asked me to fill out the green sheet, which turned out to be copying things on my résumé to answer questions like “What are you most proud of?”. Not the business norm by any means. There was a section to refer “people you would want to start a business with.” Smells like they want me to do their recruiting for them. Level of prestige – minus 1,000 points. Not to be snobby, but the last time I interviewed for an internship, it was after being flown to Columbus OH, taken out to dinner, and put up in a Marriott for a night – this was quite the different experience. This man weirded me out. This company weirded me out. I was weired out. Weird things to this point: enough to want to get the hell out of dodge.

I was stuck. I sat on the side of the table furthest from the door. Unfashionable guy was standing near the door. I had a backpack. I could go to the bathroom and never come back, but I had to get my satchel out at as well. While filling out “What are your greatest strengths” on the green sheet I was formulating a plan of escape. Bad hair guy asked me what I was studying. I said Int’l Business, Marketing, and Spanish. He asked me why I would put myself through that in a “wow that sounds like a lot of work…dumb!” kind of tone. Concrete decision made to leave.

That’s when it happened. I stood. I zipped. I put a worried expression on my face. I bolted for the door. “Are you leaving?” Said the man. Yes. Yes I am leaving. I do not like your meeting. I rather dislike your tie. Your organization gives me the heeby-jeebies. There’s no candy here. “Yea man, I’m really sorry, but I just got a phonecall, my friend got in a car accident. We’ll be in touch, sorry again.” I’ve never exited a building so quickly.

I once read a John Grisham book that described in detail the process of remembering your mistakes after you commit a crime. That started happening right away. My crime-lie had more holes than swiss cheese. Why did I say that? I guess its just one of those accepted “this probably isn’t true but you’re a d-bag if you try to call me on it and you’re wrong” statements. Problems with my utterance: 1) I never answered my phone while in the room. 2) I should have said girlfriend. 3) I looked relieved to be leaving (I was relieved to be leaving). 4)I bet this man has had the same thing done to him 1,000 times – I should have gone with “Hey, sorry, Charlemagne goat just wriggled out of his Michael Jackson vest, i’ve got to go get that back on him before he catches cold…”

Us humans, when put under pressure have the propensity to say incredibly stupid things – especially if we’re lying. I can’t think of the 500 other times in my life that I’ve done this, but I assure you, they exist, and are perhaps as bad or worse than this one. If you have pulled this act of stupidity lately, do tell the world with a comment.

Sorry for introspectively analyzing my own actions (which could be considered self-staring by some), but that was dumb.

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